The Blind Side - Revisited

I posted about this movie when my family went to go see it.

http://pooligans.blogspot.com/2009/11/blind-side.html

I have a friend in town who shares a remarkably similar story to the one in The Blind Side as well as my own with JB. Her family is struggling right now too with many of the same issues we went through with JB.

It got me to thinking more about the movie The Blind Side. You know it is a great story...and when you watch the movie most people think how awesome and couragous that a rich white woman took a poor black boy into her family. Then used all of her southern spunk to fight for him to have the best. It's true that there are not alot of people out there who would do that....but there are many more than you'll ever know. Because you don't hear about our children...they are the ones who mess up.

What the Touhys' did was an awesome thing. But the TRUE miracle in that story is Michael Oher. Because Big Mike came from a troubled, unhappy situation....and yet was able to ALLOW the Touhys to help him. He appreciated them. THAT is the miracle. Because when you adopt older kids and children out of the Foster Care system....it seldom happens that way.

Children come to you emotionally battered, angry, with low self-esteem. They have been taught that they are not lovable. They don't love themselves, therefore they believe that no one else can really love them either. They are unable to trust. And without trust and vulnerability, there can be no love.

Even when you've had a child years and years, you often fight these same battles. I've seen it in both my boys. I see it in my friend's son who is making poor choices right now. When they stand on the brink of success, they are suddenly afraid...because if they succeed, then there are more expecations placed on them. And they don't have the self confidence to carry those expecations. So right on the cusp of doing great things in their lives, they will unconsciously sabotage it.

And some children need to test your love over and over and over again. They need to show their dirtiest, ugliest self to you periodically to see if you'll still love them....no matter how badly they act.

Then you throw in genetic dispositions towards violence and mental illness, the neglect they've lived with, the lack of morals they've been exposed to, the drugs and alcohol they were exposed to in the womb. And the door is open for hosts of other issues to develop.....even if you've had them since they were little.

THAT is the reality of adopting older children. They fight the love and hard work you shower on them every step of the way. I'm not saying that to discourage people from adopting older children...but rather to give a pat on the back to those who have but didn't end up with NFL Football stars.

Last night I told my friend "When I came out of the movie "The Blind Side" I came out bawling.....but not because it was such a beautiful story (which it was). I came out bawling because "My" Big Mike...was not a star in the NFL, but rather a young man struggling with drug addiction, who is on parole...and if he messes up one more time will go to the pen. It's harder to love the JBs and Js of the world, than the Big Mikes....because I think Big Mike appreciated what he had." And THAT is the miracle.