Coyote Breath

We were out working on the land this weekend. Papaw was clearing trees from around our water well and he came upon a small patch of Rabbit fur. He just tossed it aside.

We've been trying to explain to the kids what country life will be like. Madi is terrified of bugs. Frank wants a four wheeler. Madi wants a horse. Libby says living in the country is alot of hard work. I am afraid of wasps.

I was working in front of the house later in the day when Carlie comes around the corner with the rabbit fur. She asks "Was this a rabbit?" I said "It WAS. Throw it down...its nasty!!!" She quickly tosses it down on the ground and said "Yeah, it did smell a little like coyote breath. I guess a coyote killed it!!!"

August Quotes

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•The older I get the more I realize that most of the "normal" "Happy" people we see in our lives have hidden secrets, unknown tragedies, illness, hurts..pains. And the problems that I have to deal with are really pretty insignificant. - Julie Pool
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•In the chest of every single person, big or small, beats the heart of a champion. And in that heart is a purpose that will, if lived, bring something to life no other heart ever has, ever will or ever could. Something the world needs more now than ever before.
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The Blind Side - Revisited

I posted about this movie when my family went to go see it.

http://pooligans.blogspot.com/2009/11/blind-side.html

I have a friend in town who shares a remarkably similar story to the one in The Blind Side as well as my own with JB. Her family is struggling right now too with many of the same issues we went through with JB.

It got me to thinking more about the movie The Blind Side. You know it is a great story...and when you watch the movie most people think how awesome and couragous that a rich white woman took a poor black boy into her family. Then used all of her southern spunk to fight for him to have the best. It's true that there are not alot of people out there who would do that....but there are many more than you'll ever know. Because you don't hear about our children...they are the ones who mess up.

What the Touhys' did was an awesome thing. But the TRUE miracle in that story is Michael Oher. Because Big Mike came from a troubled, unhappy situation....and yet was able to ALLOW the Touhys to help him. He appreciated them. THAT is the miracle. Because when you adopt older kids and children out of the Foster Care system....it seldom happens that way.

Children come to you emotionally battered, angry, with low self-esteem. They have been taught that they are not lovable. They don't love themselves, therefore they believe that no one else can really love them either. They are unable to trust. And without trust and vulnerability, there can be no love.

Even when you've had a child years and years, you often fight these same battles. I've seen it in both my boys. I see it in my friend's son who is making poor choices right now. When they stand on the brink of success, they are suddenly afraid...because if they succeed, then there are more expecations placed on them. And they don't have the self confidence to carry those expecations. So right on the cusp of doing great things in their lives, they will unconsciously sabotage it.

And some children need to test your love over and over and over again. They need to show their dirtiest, ugliest self to you periodically to see if you'll still love them....no matter how badly they act.

Then you throw in genetic dispositions towards violence and mental illness, the neglect they've lived with, the lack of morals they've been exposed to, the drugs and alcohol they were exposed to in the womb. And the door is open for hosts of other issues to develop.....even if you've had them since they were little.

THAT is the reality of adopting older children. They fight the love and hard work you shower on them every step of the way. I'm not saying that to discourage people from adopting older children...but rather to give a pat on the back to those who have but didn't end up with NFL Football stars.

Last night I told my friend "When I came out of the movie "The Blind Side" I came out bawling.....but not because it was such a beautiful story (which it was). I came out bawling because "My" Big Mike...was not a star in the NFL, but rather a young man struggling with drug addiction, who is on parole...and if he messes up one more time will go to the pen. It's harder to love the JBs and Js of the world, than the Big Mikes....because I think Big Mike appreciated what he had." And THAT is the miracle.

China - Taxi Rides

We had two interesting Taxi rides while we were in Shanghai. The car taxis there are everywhere....like you'd see in New York City. They are smallish cars, and one person can ride up front, and it is a law that only three can ride in the back. So four all together...wouldn't you know that there are five of us!! Some taxi drivers would let five squeeze in, especially if you gave them a few extra RMB. We left one area, and there was the young Chinese couple we are with, Libby, me and my Dad. We wait in a long line for a taxi. We finally get in one and squeeze in. The taxi driver starts yelling at us in Chinese. Are Chinese friend responds back. We can't tell exactly what's going on, but it appears that he doesn't want to take five of us. Our Chinese friend kept trying to explain that one of us was a child and shouldn't count. And the taxi driver took off....so I thought it was resolved. But he pulled up to a police officer in the middle of a busy road. More rapid Chinese is spoken back and forth. The policeman looks us all over. Then nods his head. The taxi driver screams at us and we all get out of the taxi in the middle of the busy road. Apparently he'd insisted that the law said only four. When we wouldn't get out he'd driven to a Policeman. The Policeman had told the driver that he didn't care do what he wanted...and he threw us out! So we had to find another cab!!

Most of the cab rides were very reasonable. They charged 8-14 RMB for most places we wanted to go...which is about $1 - $2 in American. My Dad, Frank and I went in search of a trumpet for him. We were told that there were many music shops on Jinx Ling Road. So we had a cab drop us off and walked down the road a ways. We found a great trumpet for Frank. By the time we were done it started to rain. We tried to wave down a taxi, but no one would stop. Finally this guy on a three wheeled ancient motorbike pulls up. It has a little covered seat on the back of it. He indicates we should get in. Frank sits up front with the driver and Papaw and I sit in back facing backwards. It kept us dry. We came across a large group of people cross the street in a cross walk, and this guy just plowed through the middle of them without slowing down. When we got to the hotel, my Dad asked him how much it cost. The man said "50". My Dad goes "Oh, no way too much....15". The old man says "No, raining...50!!!" So we paid him 50. It was worth it to stay dry. LOL.

First Day of School

The first week of school is probably by far, the most difficult week I have in a typical year. And this one didn’t let me down. In fact, it started out the day BEFORE the first day of school. Bob is doing two a day practices. He was supposed to get the kids up and get them dressed before he left for practice, because Granny had said she was coming to get the early and take them out to our new trailer to work on getting it cleaned up. He was so excited about his first practice that he forgot. I didn’t want them to be in bed when Granny got there, so I had to get them up and get them dressed before I left. I had told Mom that Frank had a meds appointment in Wichita at 3pm and that the three girls had their “meet the teacher” night at 5pm. So she was going to have the girls back at our main house at 4pm so they’d have time to clean up.



So I take Frank to his appointment. The doctor decided to completely change every one of Frank’s meds…right in time for school to start the next day. That sounds like a GREAT idea…change all his meds on the first day of school. So I go by the pharmacy to get his new meds and they are out of stock. So I drive home with Frank, and it’s after 4pm after I get there. There is no sign of Granny and the girls. I call her cell phone and get no answer. I figure that if I drive out to the property they’ll be on their way in and I’ll miss them. So I wait ‘til 5pm and finally head out there. Granny had worked hard all day (the trailer looked GREAT by the way) and had forgotten about meet the teacher. So I rush the girls home to get their school supplies. They are in play clothes, swim suites and covered in paint, and we don’t have time to change. So I take them to “meet” their teachers….look out school…here comes the Pooligans.



After that we went back out to the land to swim in the pool and I started a bon fire. We roasted marshmallows. They wanted to spend the night and didn’t want to leave. I explained they had to get up early and go to school the next day. I was finally able to drag them home, get everyone bathed and in bed. We get lunches made, backpacks and instruments ready. By now its 9:30pm. Bob came in a few minutes later from football practice. He walks in the door and says “Juuulie” and I can tell by the tone of his voice that something isn’t good. He said “I just ran over someone’s cat…..and it’s dead.” So we walked back up the street and there is the poor dead kitty. We don’t know who it belongs to so we start knocking on doors. We finally locate the right neighbor. The cat belongs to his two little boys. We apologize profusely, and their Dad is really nice about it.



So we go home and go to bed. Then Day TWO begins…..



Libby is so excited about starting school that she got up at 4AM. By the time the rest of us get up and start getting ready she is so grouchy and hateful that no one can stand to be around her. She jerks open the fridge door so hard that it hits the back of Carlie’s heel and draws blood. So Carlie comes to me in the bathroom crying. I get her taken care of. Then Madi had this plastic stick shaped toy that makes noises. Carlie had it, and Libby was trying to reach over her head and take it away from her. Carlie let go of it, and it pops back and cracks Libby on the head. This makes her furious so she whacks MADI across the back with it…never did understand why she whacked Madi and not Carlie. So Madi comes in my bathroom bawling and has a big red welt across her back. So Bob takes the toy away from Libby and whacks her across the legs with it several times to see how SHE likes being hit with it…and now Libby is bawling too.



Frank now goes to Junior High which is in a different town. It’s on my way to work so we decide that I will drop him by school on my way. At 7am, Carlie is ready to go to school and insists that we take her RIGHT THEN. We try to explain to her that she isn’t supposed to be at school until 7:50am, and they only let us take them up there at 7:30am as a favor to Bob because he’s a teacher. But she throws an awful fit that she wants to go right then. So she’s sitting in my bathroom bawling. Then I ask her why she’s crying….and she says her eyes are hurting. I tell her that her eyes are hurting because she’s CRYING. Ugh.



So I’m trying to get a befuddled Frank and all his stuff in the minivan to leave…and I’m already running late. He starts crying because he’s nervous about his first day of Jr. High and he can’t find all his stuff. So we get in the minivan, and I realize I haven’t given him his new medicine. Did I mention that it was raining??? I dash back up the steps to the house and hang my toe on the first step, land on the side of my ankle on the second step and ROLL across the wet porch. So I get up, go in the house….errrr limp into the house….change my clothes and get his medicine.



I get to work, and my beloved Blackberry (Crackberry) is not on my hip where it’s supposed to be. I don’t know if I left it at home or if it flew into the bushes when I fell up the porch.



Awwwww….those good old days of school.

China - Shanghai

Shanghai is a very interesting city. Probably the most memorable thing for me about Shanghai is the driving. There do not seem to be many traffic rules. I mean there are police men, stop signs, traffics lights, cross walks, traffic lanes....it just seems like most people ignore them!!! People drive on sidewalks, down the middle between two lanes of traffic. If they want to go somewhere in a car, they just go and assume that all other cars and pedestrians will get out of their way. Amazingly there seem to be very few accidents.

Since China re-opened to other countries during the 80s, it has become a very Westernized city. It's still a very old city, but it does not seem to have the history that Beijing has. Even when my parents last visited Shanghai two years ago, it was a very polluted city. But the younger generation in their 20s and early 30s are becoming very interested in ridding their cities and country of pollution. And even two years has made a big difference. The government hires many people to pick up trash in their big cities. This is a "trash boat" that goes along the River Bund. The operator scoops up trash with a net and puts it in the bottom of his boat. This picture is looking down on the boat from our hotel.



There are no "houses" in Shanghai. Everyone lives in an apartment, townhouse or condo. Most families of 2 or 3 live in 300-900 sq ft of living space. There isn't room for washers and driers. And I never once saw a Laundromat. So after people wash their clothes, they hang them out of the window to dry. Sometimes on lines and sometimes on long poles sticking out of windows. It isn't unusual at all to see undies floating about you in the breeze.



Shanghai has many of the same restaurants and shops that the US has. There are McDonalds and KFCs all over the place. They even have a Barbie store and Hooters.





Many American products are available. Its odd to see products we use every day with Chinese Labels. One thing China DOESN'T have is Diet Pepsi. They have Pepsi and Coke Zero which they call Pepsi Light. I really, really missed my Diet Pepsi. We got this can of Pepsi out of a vending machine. My kids didn't know how to open it!!! Show's my age that I remember when all pop cans opened this way.




This McDonalds is four stories tall!!



Shopping is always great fun in Shanghai. We got Ipod Itouches for $75. Designer purses for $25. Pearls at an awesome price. Crocs for $2 a pair. Brand new BlueRay DVDs for 50 cents to $2 per movie.

China - Tian An Men Square

In chinese "men" means gate. Ironically Tian 'anmen means "Gate of Heavenly Peace" The Square is named after the gate which is on the north end of the square. It was a humid and foggy day when we visited and the buildings are mostly gray with some red on them. There was nothing particularly beautiful about the square its self. But looking at all that space its hard to wrap your arms around exactly how large it is. It covers a hundred acres of pavement. During the Spring Festival in China up to a million people crowd into the Square. It is the largest public square in the world, at the exact geographic center of Beijing and is the center of the Chinese Government.

I was a little surprised that our tour guide did not mention what Americans refer to as the "Tian 'anmen Square Massacre". It happened in 1989, the year I graduated from High School. University Students were protesting in Tian 'anmen Square. Soldiers came in with machine guns and tanks to disperse them. It's unknown how many died. Accounts vary from 10,000 to 241.






Above is the gate on the South end of the Square. It is called Zheng yang men or Qian men. Beijing was once surrounded by a city wall and a moat. This gate is one of two remaining gates of the old city wall. The rest of the wall was destroyed when a subway was laid in Beijing



Monument to the People's Heroes



The kids and I on the square in front of the National Museum





Mausoleum of Mao Zedong. This building occupies the center of the square. Mao united all of China under The People's Republic of China in 1948. His body is embalmed and lies on view in the building. People stand in lines for hours daily to see his body. His picture his hung on Tian an men Gate. The same portrait is replaced once a year so that the color remains fresh.



Tian 'anmen Gate. It seperates the North end of the Square from the Forbidden City.

China Trip and Buying Land

I haven't posted in a while. We've had a very busy summer. Granny and Papaw allowed Frank, Libby and I to tag along on their vacation to China. We just got back on Sunday. Bob and I have also been working on purchasing ten acres of land a few minutes north of our current home. It has a 1500 sq ft trailer house on it. The plan is to purchase the land, sell our current home, and then build on the land.

I'm going to start a series of posts about our trip to China. It was awesome.

Pop Those Zits

When my sister and I were preteens, my Mom ALWAYS picked on our pimples and we hated it. Now Frank and Libby are going through puberty and their face is starting to break out. And guess what, Granny's been picking on their pimples.

The other day, Granny took the three girls to the mall. She was getting her nails done and the salon was crowded. She was just getting the last coat of paint on her nails when Carlie wanders over and bellows "Gee Granny, I bet you sure can pop alot of zits with THOSE long nails!!!!"

Madi and Carlie have moved out to an apartment

The sign on their new apartment says they live on the 7th Floor in room number 675. Carlie's baby is named McKenzie and Madi's baby is named Sage.

I knew these days were coming, but I just didn't think they'd have their own apartment soon!!!

Just Tattoo SUCKER on my forehead

I walked out the front door this morning to the mini-van and drove to work. About an hour later, Libby called me and said there were three baby birds on the porch. I'd just been out there an hour before! There was no nest to be found.

I called the local vet and she said there were some wildlife conservation places that might take them. The closest one was in Hutchinson. So I called the vet back and asked if we brought them to her would she euthanize them, and she said she would.

The vet is half a mile away. So I had Libby put them in a bucket and take them to the vet. About thirty minues later, she called me back....so excited and said the vet had explained to her how to take care of them. I thought "Don't tell me you brought those birds back" and a second later Libby said "They're in your bathtub."

So now we have three baby blue jays that have to be fed damp cat food (kind of ironic) once an hour. I warned the girls that baby birds are very fragile and they might die. One of them is bigger and stronger than the other two.

I'm just gonna put out a sign that says "All strays welcome!!!"

Growing

Our cat Duff is over a year old, so he's pretty much done growing. The kids had been in Oklahoma nearly a week. When they walked in the door, they all said that Duff had grown bigger. And Carlie said "And the house has grown cleaner!!!" Imagine that...it got cleaner while I was hear by myself for three days!!!

And yes, that is a cemetary flower in Carlie's hair.

Living Life in a Fish Bowl

Usually and I tell stories about my kids….but I’m going to tell one on myself today. There is absolutely nothing normal about me or my life. Nor can I have a typical vacation. Memorial Day and the Redden Reunion turned out to be no exception!!



Bob and the kids went down on Wednesday. I had to work and didn’t go down until Saturday morning. So we had two vehicles down there. We had a great day on Saturday and went to the Reunion on Sunday. Bob and I had rented a nearby hotel room because my in-law house was full. Two of my Sister-in-laws were there along with one of their husbands and my grown niece. We decided we’d stay in the hotel room with all four kids on Sunday night and then get up that morning and head back to KS. We were going to stop by Tulsa on the way and see the older kids’ birthday family as well.



About 5pm on Sunday, I start throwing up. We go back to the hotel hoping it will pass quickly. Bob took the four kids down to the indoor pool so that I could rest. He was in the exercise room, watching the kids through the glass wall. He saw Libby dunk Madi and Carlie. And then she dunked Frank. We’ve told her and told her to leave him alone and he’s have severe issues with his temper and anger right now. When she dunked him, he chased her all the way out of the pool with murder in his eyes. She got up on a pool chair to get away from him and still her pursued her and punched her on the leg as hard as he could. All this happened before Bob could get to them. When Bob pulled him out of the pool, he got aggressive with Bob and started cursing at him and got in his face. Bob pushed him (not slammed him) up against a wall to contain him. Another gentleman at the pool saw this happening and tried to intervene. He was Christian man wearing a cross and told Bob something along the lines that he needed to parent in a Christian and loving manner. Bob explained to him that we believed the same way he did, but this was somewhat a special situation.



When they came back to the room, I remember them telling me that Frank had hit Libby. But I don’t remember them saying anything about the guy at the pool. Frank continued to be aggressive and angry. By that time I was really, really sick and we decided that I needed to go to the ER. I’ve had gastric bypass surgery. And when you get a stomach virus, you get really sick, really fast. We asked Memaw to come stay in the hotel with the kids. So we found ourselves in a small town ER on a holiday weekend near a very large lake. We sat in the waiting room for two hours with me throwing up into a bag as the police brought in handcuffed drunks, people who’d been in fist fights….you name it.



While we were gone, Frank put on his very best show for Memaw. He was throwing a fit and screaming and banging on the floor. We didn’t get home until 4am. Monday morning we sleep in, but we were both exhausted. We both NEED to be at work on Tuesday. We decided to drive the two vehicles home, but I got 30 miles away and called Bob and told him that I couldn’t drive safely. Bob didn’t want to leave his truck in OK, so he called my FIL and BIL. They came in Pepaw’s truck. My BIL Mike drove Bob’s truck home, Bob drove me home, and Pepaw drove his truck. I was so mortified!!! I slept all the way home. We had to cancel the visit with Frank and Libby’s birth family. We got home about 5pm, and had only been home a few minutes when my Mom called. I was half out of it. I told her I’d been throwing up…but I guess I didn’t tell her about the ER or about having the in-laws drive us home.



The next day Frank had a doctor’s appointment, so my Mom brought him to Wichita and I met them there. My Mom goes “What did you think about what they guy said to Bob at the pool?” And I go “Huh???” So she tells me all about it. I’d had no idea. So we have the meeting with the new doctor, and the Frank goes home with Mom. She asked him if he was good while he was in OK. He said “Mostly, except for the part when Mom was in the ER.” And my Mom goes “Huh?” and Frank says “Yeah, we all went back to the hotel room and then Dad took Mom to the ER.” And my Mom goes “And they left you in the hotel ALONE?!?!?!” And Frank says “No, Memaw came and stayed with us.” And then he got to telling Mom about Uncle Mike (my BIL by marriage) and how much he liked him. And he said “Yeah, Uncle Mike drove my Dad’s truck home.” And Mom goes “He did, why would he do that?” And Frank said “Because Pepaw was driving HIS truck.” And Mom goes “Well where was your Mom and Dad?” And Frank said “Well Dad was driving Mom in the minivan because she was sick.” Sooooo…she finally gets it all put together.



So later than night, Memaw calls Bob and tells us she’s really concerned about Frank and how awful he was acting at the hotel. They talk nearly an hour and Bob explains to her that we are in the process of changing Frank’s doctor and therapist. I took a bath, and then called my Mom to see if they made it home alright. Well apparently as soon as Memaw had hung up the phone with Bob, she’d called MY Mom and they’d discussed the situation.



And I love them all dearly and they are wonderfully supportive…and thank God we are all on the same page about what needs to be done for Frank. But I laid there in bed after I hung up with my Mom and thought “I feel like I’m a goldfish living in a round goldfish bowl. I don’t know what’s worse….that everyone can see everything that I do……or that I’m swimming around and around in circles….or that everyone is watching me swim around and around in circles!!!!”



At least my life is never boring.

Bathing Beauties

It's pretty typical to find an assortment of naked Barbies gathered various places in the house.

Riverfest - Year 4

We all did the 2 mile this year, even Carlie. She started off saying she was just going to walk. So Bob said he'd walk with her. Frank and Libby ran on their own. And Madi and I ran together. Carlie asked Bob if she'd still get a medal if she only walked. And he told her yes, but she'd get a bigger one if she ran (which wasn't true). She said "In that case...." and took off like a shot darting through the crowds. Bob couldn't catch her. Madi and I are jogging along and suddenly Carlie whizzes past us!!! She ran the first mile in about 15 minutes. Then she was done, and she laid down on the street. Bob had to talk her into getting up and walking the rest of the way. It took them about 24 minutes to finish the second mile.

Mother's Day Present

Here are my Mother's Day presents. The swing is from Bob and the kids. The outdoor heater on the table is from my parents. And the best present of all is all four of my kids together for the weekend.

What's Your Name and How Many Kids Do You Have?

When I was at the school field trip, I'm talking to another Mom who lives in our neighborhood. I was telling her who my four kids were...and she goes "Ohhh...you're Frank and Libby's Mom!!!" She said that when we first moved into our neighborhood for years ago, Frank and Libby rang her doorbell. When she answered the door, they asked her if she had any kids at her house. When she said yes, Libby wrote down their address and then wanted the name and age of each child so she could write them down. The neighbor said she was SO serious about, and asked how to spell each name...then they went on to the next house. LOL. I had NEVER known that. I was so embarrassed when she told me. Libby would have been in 1st grade at the time and Frank in 2nd. The same age that Madi and Carlie are now

Tanganyka Field Trip With Carlie

Today I got to spend the day with Carlie and the 1st graders at a Wildlife park. We had a great time. I've been able to take this trip with each of my girls when they were in first grade. (Frank didn't go to 1st grade at this school.)









Above is a Lorikeet. It's about three times bigger than a parakeet. You get to walk into their enclosure where they flying around freely. The keeper told us that sometimes they land on your arms and hands and they also will bite. I've had a bird about that size before, so I knew a bite might hurt a little but wouldn't bring blood. So we are walking around and this bird is on the side of the cage. He puts his foot out like he wants to step onto my finger. So I stick my finger out, and he leaned over and BIT it instead. I held my fingers over his beak until he let go. And Carlie starts chuckling. She says, "Wow, Mom...that bird baited you, huh???" I about cracked up. I was telling Bob about it, and Libby says "What does baited mean?"

Ruined Test Scores

I've posted before that getting the little girls to clean up their room is almost impossible. The other day, I told them at 8pm that they weren't going to bed until their room was clean. I sat down and watched American Idol. I could hear them fighting and playing, but I didn't go check on them until American Idol was over at 9pm.

I went in there and of course nothing had been done. So I stood in the doorway and told them I wasn't leaving, and they weren't going to bed until the room was cleaning. Crocadile tears started flowing. Madi said "I JUST want to go to BED. You're keeping me up late and I'm not going to get a good nights sleep. I have state assessment tests in the morning and you're going to make the WHOLE SCHOOL have a bad grade!!!!"

Carlie kept asking what time it was...I told her it didn't matter...keep going. She finally whined "It must be 6:30am already....you've made us work ALL NIIGGGGGHHHHT!!!" (It was really 9:45pm) LOL.

It took them until 10pm to get it done, and they've been alot better about keeping it picked up since then.