Favorite Quotes

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  • "I'm so busy.... I don't know if I found a rope... or lost my donkey! - Unknown"
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Monday, August 31, 2009

Worst Garage Sale Ever

Today is my Grandma Obie's Birthday. Here's a story about her in here honor.

My Grandparents, Cass and Obie, lived out side of Wetumka about 2 miles in a house locally called "Goldie's House". It was on a dirt road.

Every year, my Grandma would have a big garage sale. All the kids would come over to help and it was something we looked forward to every year.

In 1981, I was 9. My Aunt Marsha was there with her son Sean, who was 6. My Mom was there with me and my little sister, JoLynn, who was also 6. My Aunt Kim was also there. Her little boy, Philip, was about 1 1/2. She was also heavily pregnant with her second child.

That year there had been alot of rain and the old dirt road was rutted, so my Grandma had called to have it Graded.

I was outside with the little kids, and the adults were inside. I had just picked up Philip so that he could get a good view of the Road Grader. JoLynn and Sean were playing nearby. I raised my finger to point and at that same instant the Road Grader hit a partially buried Natural Gasline.

The sound was deafening, and a huge brown funnel of natural gas spiraled up hunderds of feet in the air. The Road Grader was tipped vertically as we watched. It hung there a few seconds and then bounced back to the ground. The guy on the Grader (Kenny McDaniels, I think) wasn't injured. He started running to the house, and the adults flew outside.

Sean was a big strong kid. It scared him so badly that he started running around and around the smokehouse. The sound was so loud that you could hardly hear anyone speak, so he couldn't hear us yelling to him. We almost had to tackle him to stop him.

The gas funnel was blocking the only road out, so we called the gas company and then headed out to the fields. At first my Grandma told us to go to so-and-so's house. We were almost there when she remembered that they had big mean dogs, so went in another direction. We had to march through the fields and help the pregnant Kim through barbed wire fences lugging Philip with us.

When we got far enough away that we thought we were pretty safe, we stopped. My Aunt Marsha was so nervous that she tried to light a cigarette without thinking about it. My Mom grabbed it and yelled at her not to light it because she might blow us all up. Marsha needed the cigarette so badly that she started chewing it up!

It seems like we stood out in that field forever, but eventually they got the line shut down. We were SO lucky that the Grader didn't spark the gasline when it hit. If that had happened, we could have easily have been blown to bits.

Then later that day, after everything had settle down some, I was catching frogs and had found a glass mason jar to keep them in. I went to the house to punch holes in the lid. About the fourth punch, I missed the jar and the knife went between my thumb and first finger. All the way in and out on the palm. Sean had had a REALLY bad day. He was the only one with me when I did it. He went running outside to the adults and told them I had cut my thumb off. That's what it must have looked like to him!! Since it was a puncture wound, there was nothing to stitch, so they just bandaged it up.

That was the WORST garage sale ever.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Yin to my Yang

The Great One produces the two poles (Heaven and Earth), which in turn give rise to the energies of the dark (yin) and the light (yang). These two energies then transform themselves, one rising upwards, and the other descending downwards; they merge again and give rise to form. (Lu-sih ch'un-ch'iu - Spring and Autumn Annals)

Bob always tells me "Julie, you're the yin to my yang!!!" Every once in a while I mutter back "Maybe I want to be the YANG!!!"

In so many ways we are opposites. He's an optimist and I'm a pessimist. He is social and I am introverted. He's laid back and easy going, and I'm...uh....NOT. But one of the most annoying differences is that he is a MORNING Person.

He bounces out of bed at 5:30am. He starts making the rounds of the house, pulling children out of their bed by whatever body part is hanging out of the covers. Often he is belting out in his best Opera Imitation "Getttt UPPPPPP. Time to get UUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!" I lay in my bed thinking "PLLEEEZE make it STTTTOOOOPPPP!!!"

I often have to sit on the side of the bed for five minutes with my eyes shut before I slink to the kitchen to fix myself a Diet Pepsi. Then I run a hot bath in the whirlpool and soak in there for 30 minutes with my eyes closed. I don't want anyone to talk to me or even look at me until the caffeine has kicked in.

Occasionally, Bob will forget what he's learned in 8+ years of marriage...and he will dart by me and fluff my hair, or give me a big wet smack on the cheek or yell something in my ear. This earns him

"The Look of Death".

I'd love to be a morning person. I really would. Every single day that I have to get up before 10am is just an incredibly painful process. Unfortunately for Carlie, she has inherited this from me. We huddle together in the mornings in silence just daring anyone with our eyes to touch us or say anything to us.

This morning Carlie (who loves to go to school) wailed. "Why can't EVERY day be a weekend!!!!" Amen, Sister.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Full Nest

Someone besides me has a nest that is full to overflowing. When I took the kids to their Meet The Teacher Night, this nest was up in the corner of the school porch.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Cheese Stands Alone

When we gave Hunter his name, we didn't know it at the time, but it fits him perfectly. Even without front claws, he is a mighty predator. He frequently bring his "prizes" up to the house to impress us. Usually these are small little field mice.

Yesterday evening when Bob and Frank came home from football practice, they informed me that Hunter had a dead "mouse" on the porch and I needed to get rid of it. At first I whinned "That's a MAN job." But Bob was exhausted and hadn't eaten yet. And I'd already finished my dinner. Then I decided maybe it was a "BOY" job. But Frank too had just come in from practice and hadn't eaten yet.

So I got out my Towanda suite and preceeded to take care of the "matter". I took my styrofoam plate that I'd just used for dinner and my used fork out onto the front porch. There I found...not a tiny little field mouse, but a RAT that was about 8 inches long not including the tail. I poked it with the fork a couple of times to make sure that it was good and dead. Then I proceeded to shovel it onto the plate among the remains of my Mac n Cheese and Weiners we'd had for dinner. Then I carried it off to the trash can.

I didn't really think much about it...after all I was taking care of business....until I saw my neighbor watching me. Hmmm...maybe it didn't look too good for me to be walking around with a dead rat on my dinner plate and a fork in my other hand. LOL. Oh well.

The cat ate the rat....the cat ate the rat...hi ho the derio..the cat ate the rat. The cheese stands alone...the cheese stands alone.....

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Desperate For Company

I came in the living room the other day, and caught Bob with My Size Barbie. I didn't realize how desperate for company he was. LOL.

Post a Comment with your Favorite Caption for this photo.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

My Bump Is Growing

Frank came in the front door the other day and says "Hey Mom. My bump is starting to grow!" I raised my eyebrows and said "HUH?!?!?" He goes "You know....the bump in my throat. It's growing!!!"

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Captain Feathersword

For some reason, Carlie has reverted back to watching Barney and The Wiggles the last few weeks. That's why I'm sitting here with "It's a Wiggly Parrrrttty...." running through my head.

Yesterday she was getting ready to put a video on. She asked me if I wanted to watch Barney or the Wiggles. I popped off "Definitely the Wiggles. You know I've always had the hots for Captain Feathersword!!!" Carlie looked at me and said "Mommmmm. You can't have the hots for Captain Feathersword?" I go "Why not?" and she said "You can't have the hots for HIM 'cause your already married to my DAD!!!!"

"It's a Wiggly Paaarrrrttyyyy.....everybody's grooving....."

Monday, August 17, 2009

Manic Monday

Wow. School starts on Wednesday, so today was our "dry run" to practice getting everyone into a routine. There was much screaming, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and it wasn't all from me.

Memaw and Pepaw are staying with us the next few days because we didn't have a babysitter. Madi wailed for close to an hour that she couldn't get up because she got NO sleep last night because Memaw snored all night.

Libby bawled for an hour because her contacts hurt when she put them in....she wailed and screamed. I wouldn't let her take them out. Frank got in trouble for shoving Libby....couldn't hardly blame him....I wanted to shove her too.

The only one who had a great morning was Carlie. Tonight is the Meet Your Teacher day. She woke me up at 4am asking if it was time to get up yet. I told her no...and she preceded to wake me up every thirty minutes until 6am asking the same question. At 6am....when I got up.....she sprang out of bed tearing around the house getting her clothes on and eating breakfast. She was ready to go at 6:15am....a world record for her.

I got to work and had to wait for a train to go by. While I was waiting and thunderstorm hit. I had an umbrella, so I decided I could run in from the parking lot. The sidewalk was flooded and by the time I made it to the office I was literally soaked to the skin from the waist down. I was so soaked that the vitamins in my pocket were melted.

I was freezing to death, so after it stopped raining I ran over to Kohls and got dry shoes, socks and pants. What a way to start the week!!!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Old Family Sayings

These are sayings that I've heard in the family for years.

*She'll get glad in the same britches she got mad in.
*I ain't seen him in a month of Sundays.
*Well, I'll Swan. (expression of surprise)
*She fidgets more than a fart in a hot skillet.
*Go outside and let the stink blow off ya.
*Lay down and let your pup suck.
*If it was a snake it would have bit ya.(Searching for something lost)
*He's as useless as tits on a bore hog.
*He's happier than a three peckered billygoat.
*He just fell off the turnip truck. (Young, inexperienced)
*Its colder outside than a well-digger's ass.
*Its colder than a Witch's Tit.
*He's as mean as a RattleSnake.
*We'll get there..Lord willing and the Creek don't rise.
*Well, Shoot a Monkey. (expression of surprise)
*She couldn't find her butt with both hands.
*Me and PawPaw are thicker than thieves.
*It didn't work cause you didn't hold your mouth just right.
*She's madder than a wet hen.
*If you eat the last biscuit..it will give you a stomach ache.
*I'm fuller than a tick on an old blood hound.
*He's one brick shy of a load. (Dumb)
*He was three sheets to the wind (Drunk).
*It come a toad strangler. (Hard Rain)
*Purty as a Speckled Pup.
*He's dumber than a doorknob.
*Do you want me to give you something to cry about? (To a child throwing a fit)
*She ran like a scalded cat.
*He was down at the mouth. (Sad)
*She's as purty as a new colt.
*She's limp as a dishrag.
*She's cute as a button.
*He was hotter than a firecracker (Angry).
*She's a pure as the driven snow.
*Want in one hand and DooDoo in the other and see which gets filled up faster.
*Cry my hands full (Said to child throwing a fit)
*Your face will freeze that way.
*She spends money like it grows on trees.
*He was eating (Fill in the blank) like it was going out of style.
*She could waller a buzzard off a gut wagon.
*My eyes were bigger than my stomach (When you eat too much or put too much on your plate)
*He's as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of Rockers.
*I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.
*I'm so hungry my bell button is nibbling on my backbone.
*I'm so hungry my big gut is about to eat my little gut.
*I have to piss like a race horse.
*He hasn't eaten in so long he don't cast a good shadow.
*Pretty is as pretty does.
*Fine as frog hairs.
*You need that like you need another hole in your head.
*He was black as Old Coaly.
*She has a mind like a steele trap.
*Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
*You kids are growing like weeds.
*You're getting heavy...you been eating rocks for dinner (To a child).

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Cutting it Short

JB cut off the tip of his middle finger yesterday. He was working with his grandpaw to hitch a trailer up to a truck and got his finger caught between the trailer and hitch. They sewed it back on. But they told him if it turns black they'll have to take it off. Ouch!!! Now he's permanently giving everyone the bird.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Bed Wetting Alarm

My newphew Parker came to the house last night for a visit. The kids really enjoyed playing with him, especially Frank. My sister let me borrow a bed wetting alarm that she used with Parker. Madi was actually really excited about it, and she couldn't wait to hook it up and go to bed last night.

In order to get it to work, we had to put a pair of panties on her, put the sensors in place, then put on a pull up. The instructions says that the alarm should wake up both the child and the parent.

Granny sent me an email last night and asked if it worked. I told her "The alarm went off twice…once at 9:50 right before I went to bed, and again at 2am. She screamed bloody murder both times. LOL. The alarm didn’t wake me up, but her screaming did!!!"

I woke up at 2am from a deep sleep by a child's hysterical screaming, so I get a huge adrenaline rush. I'm blind as a bat without my contacts, so I fumble my way down the hall to her room. And the dang thing doesn't have an off button. So to make it stop alarming we have to take off the wet pull up and underwear and unsnap the sensors. Madi is on the top bunk of the bunkbed screaming. I can't get her to understand that she has to come down from the bunk bed so that I can get the sensors off so that the alarm will go off. It took me about 5 minutes (but it seemed like an hour) to get her to understand.

Well see how it goes tonight!!! Yawwwwn.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Little Notes

Libby made me feel like a heel the other day when she handed me this note.

Mom - Some Stuff I haf to tell you

Dear Mom,

This is one of those moments when you don't want to talk. I'm going to tell you somethen about Madi do you know how she dose not get in that much of trouble comparde to me .(yes, no) that's because's she lie to not get in trouble. (EX: Madi kicked me on the trampolen and she said that she didn't she lied because Frank, Faith sol her do it.) (EX: Madi said that i said that she had no socks in her dresser and she said that i did not say that. she lied.) I will take what ever puneshment that you give me.

Love libby.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Violence Gets Your Way Every Time

Granny and Pawpaw met my sister's family at the St. Lois zoo this weekend. They had a great time, and they brought Parker back with them for a week. While they were there, they witnessed THIS which is REMARKABLY like the stuff that goes on in MY family.

The small red monkey found an old white sheet and decided to take a nap and cover up with the sheet. The BIG red monkey decided thats a good idea and he needs the sheet so here he comes down the hill and starts jerking the sheet away from the little one. Of course the little one put up a fight until the big one slapped him up the side of his head. LOL

Monday, August 3, 2009

Family Dinner - Interrupted

Frank had his yearly athletic physical on Friday, and they gave him three shots. Saturday morning, he woke up saying his head hurt really badly. Saturday night I decided to cook a nice family meal. So we had lasagna (okay, it came frozen out of a box, so what!) and corn and fruit. I fixed everyone a big plate. Frank only ate a couple of bites and since he wasn't feeling well I didn't make him eat.

He went into the kitchen and proceeded to hurl into the kitchen trashcan right in front of us all. I looked at my barely touched plate of food....looked up at the ceiling and thought "I need to set a good example by continuing to eat my food". I looked back down and met Carlie's eyes and she said "Well I just lost MY appetite." Well said Carlie. We all just got up and put our half eaten plates in the sink.

Must have been the shots because thankfully no one else got sick.

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